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Monday, Oct. 2, 2023
Good morning to you!

You can tell a lot about people by the type of bread they eat. Don’t eat bread at all? Well, you are the subject of an entirely separate column, but today we will focus on those of us who enjoy this fresh, soft, fluffy, crusty, nutty, spongy and hearty food.

First, an admission. My mother served bread at every meal. Bread and butter, to be specific. It didn’t matter what we were eating; it was served with bread and butter. The type of bread? It was most often plain white bread when we were younger and then some type of wheat bread in the later years. The honest answer is, whatever was on sale that week.

So what does the bread you choose to eat say about you?

If you are eating white bread, you are likely younger and quite boring. You prefer your flavor from jams, jellies, honey or other toppings. And nobody blames you for that.

If you eat wheat bread, you are trying to be healthier but you are still not willing to give up ice cream or beer.

Prefer a wrap? You are clearly anal retentive, as you don’t want to risk anything falling out of your sandwich. Or you are very private and don’t want others to see what you are eating. Either way, you are not going to win any congeniality contests.

Are you a banana bread eater? Then you are a procrastinator. Yes, you are one of those folks who buy too many bananas and can’t eat them all before they turn brown. And what do you do with brown bananas? You make banana bread.

If cornbread is your bread of choice, you are gassy and talk with a southern drawl. Why gassy? Well, any cornbread lover knows it pairs well with chili. Why a southern drawl? Because you are gassy.

Maybe bagels are your preferred bread. If so, you were likely offended by the battery of Pollock jokes you heard in elementary school. Or you really like cream cheese. Or gluten. Or all three.

Reubens may have been the last name of the actor who played Pee Wee Herman, but they are also a delicious sandwich. Corned beef. Swiss cheese. Sauerkraut. Thousand Island dressing. Mmm, mmm. And you can’t have a Reuben without rye bread. Did you know that rye bread can come light, medium, or dark, depending on which part of the rye berry is used to make the flour?
Did you also know that, if you eat rye bread with anything else, you are just weird?

Pumpernickel is more fun to say than to eat. If you make pumpernickel bread, you are clearly a patient person, as recipes call for baking it at a low temperature for as long as 24 hours.
Alternatively, you could produce pumpernickel’s dark hue by adding molasses or coffee, but that would be cheating. So you are either very patient or a cheater. Take your pick.

Of course, many other types of breads and personalities exist. Which ones did I miss? Shoot me a note and let me know.

Have a magnificent Monday, and thanks for reading.

Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
515-953-4822, ext. 305

View Shane Goodman's archived columns from past issues here.

CITYVIEW's Best Of Des Moines®

CITYVIEW announced its 2023 Best Of Des Moines® readers' choices Jan. 31. You can find all the results from the poll in the February issue of CITYVIEW magazine!

Best local place to take visitors

1. John and Mary Pappajohn  Sculpture Park

2. Greater Des Moines Botanical Garden

3. Surety Hotel


Read More

Your Clear Mortgage forecast

 Heat continues into Tuesday. Rain then moves in Tuesday night into Wednesday morning, followed by a cooling trend that takes us to a high of only 60 by Saturday!

For help with preapprovals or refinancing, get in touch with Carrie at carrie.mortgage.

Featured home for sale
Attention Realtors, post your listings here for $50. Contact jolene@iowalivingmagazines.com for details.
1018 Burr Oaks Drive
West Des Moines, IA 50266
Discover the conveniences of living in Glen Oaks in this exquisite colonial-style home boasting nearly 5, 000 sf. Step inside and be greeted by the spacious foyer. The main floor features a primary bedroom, perfect for those seeking one-level living, along with a spacious office, a formal dining room, an eat-in kitchen, and a generously sized living room with fireplace.
See More Homes For Sale

Max Lugavere, a science journalist and the author of “Genius Foods,” says that a growing body of evidence shows that coffee drinkers tend to be healthier overall than non-coffee drinkers. Observational research even indicates that the drink protects against dementia. “Coffee supports mental and physical performance, in addition to being full of brain-boosting plant polyphenols,” Lugavere said. (WSJ)

Oscar Farinetti, founder of Eataly and author of "Serendipity," writes that coffee probably originated in Ethiopia. Ethiopian Yirgacheffe and Harrar are often named the best coffee beans in world competitions. Both are available at Zanzibar (2723 Ingersoll Ave.) which is celebrating its 30th anniversary. That predates all the coffee chains appearances in Des Moines. Thank you, Julie!

Drake's Piano Series begins tonight at venerable Sheslow Auditorium. The Vertical Piano Project uses descriptive vignettes accompanied by piano music in many styles — classical, popular, boogie-woogie, jazz and movie soundtracks. Free at 7:30 p.m.

— Jim Duncan, jd91446@aol.com


FROM KCCI: No arrests 2 years after Xavior Harrelson’s remains found

MONTEZUMA, Iowa — Saturday marked two years since Xavior Harrelson's remains were found. Xavior Harrelson was reported missing on May 27, 2021. The 10-year-old vanished from the mobile home where he lived with his mother, Sarah Harrelson. ... READ MORE FROM KCCI

FROM WHO-TV: New report shows Iowa public schools’ spending on admin costs consistent over time, not ‘ballooning’

DES MOINES, Iowa — A new report from the Auditor of State Office found that the belief that public schools’ administrative costs have ‘ballooned’ in recent years wasn’t true in Iowa. According to State Auditor Rob Sand, a common statement he heard while at townhalls across the state was that public schools were spending too much money on administrative costs. As a result, the Auditor’s Office investigated public school districts’ spending on administration related costs from FY2017 to FY2022. ... READ MORE FROM WHO-TV

FROM WOI-DT Local 5: Death investigation underway in Fort Dodge

Police said they found a man with multiple gunshot wounds Sunday night. ... ...READ MORE FROM WOI-DT Local 5

Birthdays and notables!

These celebrities were born on this date:  Lorraine Bracco, Sting, Don McLean, Kelly Ripa, Avery Brooks, Elizabeth McLaughlin, Annie Leibovitz, Efren Ramirez, Donna Karan, Brittany Howard, Tiffany, Camilla Belle

SUBMIT: Send your birthday greetings and congratulatory notes to: tammy@iowalivingmagazines.com

Morning chuckle

The answer to yesterday's riddle:
WHAT IS DEJA MOO? The feeling you've heard some bull before! - Gail Tomlinson. Or, Aged cheese! - Carolyn Rogers. Or, A cow on a merry-go-round. - William Snyder. Or, Hearing the same cow every morning when milking. - Judy Anderson

Today's riddle

What do vegans and vampires have in common?

Have a guess? Email tammy@iowalivingmagazines.com


To advertise in this daily newsletter, contact Jolene Goodman at jolene@iowalivingmagazines.com, or call 515-953-4822 ext. 319.

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