I have a lot of credit card receipts in my billfold. Not like George Costanza, but a lot. I try to sort through them each week and separate my work receipts from my personal receipts. In doing so, I typically question a few things.

Why do some of these receipts need to be more than 12 inches long? I don’t read all that extra stuff. In fact, quite often, I rip off the additional nine inches on the sharp edge of the counter at the store and leave it there, taking only the portion I need. What’s worse is when I am handed a receipt along with two or three other coupons or promotional items. I didn't ask for them. I don’t want them. I leave those on the counter, too. Just give the basic receipt for me, please.

I am not interested in a rewards club. I don’t want to take a survey. I am not going to review the product I bought. And I am not applying for a job at the store. I just want a receipt.

What is with the disappearing ink on some of the credit card receipts that are given today? If the IRS wants me to keep my receipts for multiple years, that’s fine, but they don’t do much good if they can’t be read. Is it bad ink? Bad paper? Something in my billfold that makes the ink disappear? Somebody, please explain.

Does anyone respond to those advertising offers on the back of some receipts? We are in the advertising business, and I have found that advertising that annoys people doesn’t work. Unless, of course, the goal is to annoy people. If so, mission accomplished.

I used to appreciate the in-store rebates that some stores provide when I mail in my receipts. I continue to have good intentions to do this — and I keep the receipts — but, more often than not, I fail to mail them in by the stated deadline. And when I do get the rebate card in the mail, I place it somewhere I will surely find it. At least that’s the idea.

I do like the tip amount suggestions that are on many restaurant receipts, but has anyone noticed how those suggested percentages keep increasing? And in cases when the tip is automatically added in, have you seen how the “additional tip” is suggested, too?

Store number. Cashier number. Register number. Ticket number. That’s a lot of numbers that mean absolutely nothing to me. The only number that matters is the number of receipts that are in my billfold, as that space is limited. Costanza proved it. (Follow the link, as it is worth a laugh — even if you have seen it dozens of times already.)

Have a magnificent Monday, and thanks for reading.

Shane Goodman
President and Publisher
Big Green Umbrella Media
shane@dmcityview.com
515-953-4822, ext. 305
www.thedailyumbrella.com

See Shane Goodman's previous columns here.

FILM PREVIEWS: "Trap"

By David Rowley

PG-13 | 105 minutes
Director/Writer: M. Night Shyamalan
Stars: Josh Hartnett, Hayley Mills, Alison Pill

“Trap” starts off as simply as it possibly could, with a father (Josh Hartnett) taking his daughter (Ariel Donoghue) to see a concert with her favorite musician, Lady Raven (Saleka Shyamalan). On the outside, they look like a father-daughter duo that could not be more normal. Things are going smoothly until the father starts to notice an unusually large police presence outside the venue. He learns from a vendor that the police are putting a trap together to find and arrest the serial killer called “The Butcher,” who they believe to be attending the event. This is bad news for our main character, as we soon learn that he currently has a potential victim trapped in his very own basement.

Making connections
Ankeny First UMC on a “different” kind of mission.

By Darren Tromblay

About 15 years ago, leaders from the Ankeny First United Methodist Church traveled to Malawi, Africa, to see if there would be a chance of doing a mission in a “different” way.
Rather than a focus on traveling to “build” or “change” things, the goal was to form lasting relationships. It worked. The partnership has grown from these initial meetings to weekly conversations, lasting friendships, life-changing work and Holy connection.

One of the people leading the way is Campus Pastor John Wagner, who has served at the church each of those 15 years.

[...]

These celebrities were born on this date:  Chris Pine, Macaulay Culkin, Melissa McCarthy, Dylan O'Brien, Keke Palmer, Cassie, John Mulaney, Branford Marsalis, Thalía, Amanda Schull, James Harden, Akiko Wakabayashi, Alison Steadman, Brett Cullen, Candy Moore

SUBMIT: Send your birthday greetings and congratulatory notes to: tammy@iowalivingmagazines.com

The answer to yesterday's riddle:

Who do you call when you need your pants hemmed by tomorrow? TAYLOR (Tailor) SWIFT! - Kris Laurson, Carolyn Rogers, Gail Tomlinson. Or, 1-800-MOM Stat! - Rex Post. Or, Mom! - William Snyder. 

Today's riddle:

Why was the coffee shop worker fired?

Have a guess? Email tammy@iowalivingmagazines.com

To advertise in the Daily Umbrella or CITYVIEW, contact:

Megan  Pugh
Account Executive
c: 515-360-1225
megan@iowalivingmagazines.com

©Big Green Umbrella Media, Inc., all rights reserved.
www.biggreenumbrellamedia.com. Add webmaster@dmcityview.com to your address book to ensure delivery. Did someone forward you this newsletter? Click here to get it delivered to your inbox for FREE!